What Are The Communication Styles?

Are you a good communicator? How do you even know? You might be a good communicator and not even realize it because you don’t understand your communication style. Or, you could be bad at communicating and not know.

Being a great communicator is one of those soft skills that employers just love. Learning about the different communication styles can help you develop your communication skills and be better at understanding others. It’s a great first step.

Four Communication Styles

The four most common communication styles give you incredible insight into how you communicate and how others are communicating with you. Learning the differences and being able to spot them can help you become a better communicator.

• Passive Communication

• Aggressive Communication

• Passive-Aggressive Communication

• Assertive Communication

As you can see, these styles can be very different, or they can have a lot of similar traits. Let’s look at them in-depth to gain a better understanding.

Passive Communication

Passive communicators have a difficult time expressing their feelings and standing up for themselves or others. Their passive style may be so ingrained that they’ve reached a point where they can’t even identify what they want or need. This makes it even more difficult for them to communicate their feelings.

Others see passive communicators as cheerful, easy-going, and as people-pleasers. They’re often thought of as easy to get along with because they avoid conflict, they don’t make demands, and they can be self-effacing.

When people fall into a pattern of constant passive communication, they are prone to taking the brunt of other people’s ire and frustration and letting these negative feelings build.

This can lead to abrupt outbursts of frustration and anger that seem disproportionate to the situation but feel like a release of much emotion to the communicator.

Aggressive Communication

Aggressive communicators are very adept at expressing their feelings and opinions, and they push to get their needs met in a way that is unfair to others and hostile. Aggressive communicators are seen as verbally and emotionally abusive and can even cross into physical abuse.

People tend to shy away from or cower when an aggressive communicator is turning their attention to them. No one likes to be yelled at or forced to do something, and that’s the approach aggressive communicators take.

Sometimes they’re able to get their way because the other person knows it’s simply easier to do what they want rather than to communicate effectively.

In a conversation, aggressive communicators tend to overrun everyone else’s opinion. They simply won’t listen to others, or they’ll directly talk over them. Interestingly, the approach that aggressive communicators take can be so off-putting that it causes people to instinctively disagree with them, even if they actually agree with the message.

Passive-Aggressive Communication

Passive-aggressive communicators are a little more difficult to pinpoint, at least initially. It’s not a combination of being passive one day and aggressive the next. It’s a blending of the two where someone appears passive but has ulterior motives.

Most passive-aggressive communicators have some underlying feelings of hostility, powerlessness, and resentment. This might not be the true situation, but it’s a reflection of their feelings.

Again, this is a difficult communication style to identify at times because the communicator appears to be compliant. Imagine a boss asking an employee to do an additional report for them.

The passive-aggressive employee agrees but is thinking to themselves that the boss is going to take credit for the report, so they’ll do a bad job to make the boss look bad.

Assertive Communication

Assertive communicators come out on top of the other three communication styles. They have the ability to state their needs, their feelings, and they can advocate for others in a way that’s generally well-received. They do not put down others or make them feel bad during communications, and they feel confident and comfortable.

Typically, this conversation method goes over very well with others, and the reception leads to things getting done.

There can be problems when the assertive communicator is in a class that the listener has prejudices against. For instance, when a woman is an assertive communicator, she is often seen as a “bitch” by some people who feel that women should not voice their opinions or needs.

There are other groups of people similarly discriminated against and categorized as needy, entitled, and demanding. This is not their fault nor a poor reflection of their communication style. It’s a problem with the other individual.

Identify Your Communication Style

• Passive Communication Traits

  • Difficulty making eye contact

  • Speaks softly

  • Always say yes

  • Takes everything with ease

  • Almost never makes demands

  • Says I’m sorry often

• Aggressive Communication Traits

  • Talks over others

  • Speaks in loud tones

  • Can be a close-talker or a chest-poker

  • Takes control of all conversations

  • Quick to blame and criticize

  • Impulsive and easily frustrated

  • Doesn’t listen to others

  • Makes a lot of demands

• Passive-Aggressive Communication Traits

  • Speaks to themselves or under their breath

  • Often sarcastic

  • Turns away from conversations

  • Unwilling to admit there is a problem

  • Avoids resolution

  • Uses sabotage

  • Feelings don’t match words or actions

• Assertive Communication Traits

  • Has no problem stating needs

  • Respects the people they speak with/to

  • Listens without interrupting

  • Maintains eye contact comfortably

  • Speaks clearly and calmly

  • Looks relaxed and comfortable when speaking

How to Improve Communication Style

Once you begin to notice your underlying communication traits, then you can start seeing those traits in others. This leads to better awareness of communication situations.

Building upon that, you can start to adjust your approach and lean into a more assertive model. It will take time and can feel uncomfortable but, in the long run, being a better communicator is worth the effort.

Further Understanding with DISC

Another way to learn more about your personal communication style is to take a DISC profile assessment. DISC refers to personality types that fall into these categories:

• D – Dominance/Driver. Someone who is focused on the end results and the bottom line.

• I – Influence/Inspirational. A person who puts their focus on relationships and influencing or persuading others through their connections.

• S – Steadiness. This is someone who relies on cooperation and honesty to get results. They’re often seen as reliable.

• C – Conscientiousness/Contemplative. These people are very competent. They focus on quality and are seen as experts.

The DISC assessment won’t give you an answer about your communication style but will give you deeper insight into your personality and your motivations. Any time you are able to learn more about yourself, you have added insight on how to make changes and bring about positive results.

How to Improve Communication With Others

When it comes to dealing with others, you may quickly see that someone falls into one of the categories. If you can then understand what they’re feeling or their motivations, you might be able to find a way to communicate better. You can be sensitive to a passive person and openly encourage them to express their feelings.

You can refuse to let an aggressive person put you on the defensive. But the reality is that you cannot change their communication style. You can only adapt to your understanding of it.

Communication Style and Business

If you’re wondering how to get along better with your boss or how to communicate with employees, then identifying your communication style is a key step. Developing quality relationships is important in the world of business. You don’t have to have deep relationships but having professional ones that are built on trust and respect matters.

Reflect on your good work relationships. How do you see those people, and how do you perceive yourself in your interactions? Do you believe the other person feels the same? If you see mutual respect and a sense of ease in conversation, then this can be your model for other relationships.

The goal is to work toward an assertive communication style, but it’s also to encourage others to have that type of communicative ability with you. This respectful communication relationship builds business authority and leads to success.

Communication Styles and Personal Connections

When it comes to communicating, your personal life isn’t that far off from your professional one. The types of things you discuss will be vastly different, but how you approach them should lean toward the assertive style.

An assertive communication style can give you the ability to express your personal and even intimate needs in a way that’s comfortable for everyone. This is critical to successful interpersonal communication.

Working on being forthright with your friends and family is important but encouraging them to do the same without bad feelings is equally important.

Quality communication takes effort and practice, but the rewards are well worth it. Both your professional and your personal relationships will soar if you put in the work.

Author

Kristin Kizer

Kristin Kizer is an award-winning writer, television and documentary producer, and content specialist who has worked on a wide variety of written, broadcast, and electronic publications. A former writer/producer for The Discovery Channel, she is now a freelance writer and delighted to be sharing her talents and time with the wonderful Zippia audience.