Tips For Asking And Answering “Can I Pick Your Brain?”

Of all the artful euphemisms that folks in the business world use to dupe or mislead others about their intentions, the phrase “pick your brain” is one of the worst. On a given day, people with any degree of influence or importance in an industry are going to get asked for advice.

While sometimes this request is less obtrusive than at other times, getting asked the question always represents a big time commitment for what amounts to giving out free advice.

But that being said, the general idea of going to someone with proven experience and asking them for help isn’t a bad one. In fact, it might be something you ought to try yourself if you’re just coming up in a new field.

However, it’s important to know that there is a right way and a wrong way to go about making the ask.

And for those who are already getting asked this question far too often for their liking, we’ve also put together some advice on how to handle excessive brain-picking requests.

What Does “Pick Your Brain” Mean?

First, let’s take a little dip into what “picking someone’s brain” actually consists of. Here’s the way the process usually goes:

• Person A compliments Person B (in person, over email, or however) regarding their success in whatever industry, and follows up by asking if they can “pick their brain” sometime soon.

• Usually this question is phrased as an invitation to lunch or coffee (“I’ll pay,” Person A tends to offer), but it can also be phrased as an invitation to talk on the phone.

• Person A then proceeds to take a half hour or more of Person B’s time by asking tons of questions and getting lots of industry advice either for the cost of lunch or a latte or even for free.

For the person whose brain is being picked, this presents quite a few issues.

• It can be a huge timesink, and for someone who’s doing well at work (which they certainly are if they’re being asked this question), this can be annoying and expensive.

• Many of these industry professionals act as consultants, meaning that the advice that they’re giving someone else for free during a brain-picking session would ordinarily cost money.

• Despite all this, it can be tough to say no to these requests due to how pushy some can be and how rude an outright rejection can often seem.

But despite all the annoyance that asking the question can cause someone else, for someone without any industry experience, it can also be the most effective and efficient way to get some much-needed tips and expertise that they would otherwise not have easy access to.

So given the big imposition that brain-picking can be on someone’s time and expenses, what’s the best way to ask someone if you can pick theirs?

How to Ask “Can I Pick Your Brain?”

First of all, it’s probably best to avoid the “pick your brain” expression entirely. The phrase has become so cliched and overused that anyone who hears it is bound to associate it with endless meetings and overbearing emails from ambitious young workers.

When it comes to making the ask, there are a few other useful dos and don’ts you should follow as well:

Do:

• Use email. That way, the other person can respond at their leisure. Asking someone in person might make it easier on you, but it puts pressure on them to come up with an answer on the spot.

• Be specific. Give them a specific amount of time you want to talk to them and keep it short. If they know you only want to talk for 15 minutes, they’re more likely to be up for that than for some amorphous, unplanned amount of meeting time.

• Ask to talk on the phone. Coffee and lunch dates seem nice, but they take up a lot of time in travel and ordering and all that, and the other person is well aware of this by now. You’re much more likely to get a response if they know they can do it whenever they like.

Don’t:

• Demand they talk to you at a specific time. You’re already imposing on them — let them choose the meeting time, and be open to whatever time they offer, even if it’s a little inconvenient for you.

• Forget to give them a specific reason for the meeting. If all you say is that you want to talk to them about their career, they might worry again about how long that will take — instead, give them a specific topic you want to ask them about and let the conversation flow naturally from there.

• Take up more of their time than you asked for. If the meeting starts to run late, tell them you can let them go if they need to — only stay on the line if they tell you they still have more time to speak to you.

How to Respond to a “Can I Pick Your Brain” Request

Even if people ask you in the mindful, polite way described above, it’s still possible that you won’t have any time to offer them. We’ve been looking at it from the asker’s perspective — now, let’s look at it from the other side of the aisle.

Let’s say you’re a media luminary, some sort of field professional, who on a given day receives dozens of emails from young workers asking you to talk about how you got to where you are today.

You don’t want to reject these folks, especially if they happen to be people you work with in some capacity, but you really don’t have the time to talk to all of them.

So what do you do?

Here are a few tactics you can take to try to weed out some of the requests you don’t have the time or inclination to take on:

• Tell them you’re busy, but in an artful way. Say that you’re on a deadline, or that your calendar is full for the foreseeable future. You shouldn’t have to say any more than that — especially if this person is a stranger, you have no obligation to tell them anything else.

• Send them a link to some helpful resources, regardless of whether or not you had a hand in making those resources (although if you did, it might go a long way toward shutting the conversation down).

• Tell them that you’re happy to meet with them, and then let them know your hourly rate. They’ll probably be too embarrassed to ask you for anything pro bono, and if you’re lucky, they might even take you up on the price.

And if all else fails or you find you can’t use any of these excuses — or simply don’t want to — remember that “no” is always an acceptable answer.

This person is asking for you to take a lot of time out of your day. They should be aware of this as well as the fact that “no” is a reasonable response that they could receive.

If they take that badly after all that then, at the end of the day, it’s on them.

Tips for Asking “Can I Pick Your Brain?”

Here are some tips to maximize your chances of getting a meeting and making the most of that meeting:

1. Be realistic. This is a tip for both your expectations and your ask itself. As for your expectations, you should never count on a positive reply to this request, especially if the recipient is a total stranger.

   As for “the ask,” keep the scope of what you hope to learn narrow and direct. Nobody can give you a lifetime’s worth of education in a 15-minute chat.

2. Be prepared. If you don’t have questions ready and topics prepared that you want to cover, you’re wasting everyone’s time.

   You shouldn’t just have materials ready for the topic at hand, though. You should also do background research on the person you’re meeting with to cut down on introduction time and personalize your request to their interests and skills.

3. Be humble. You know what’s worse than being asked for time out of your busy day to help someone? Showing up to the meeting only to hear that person tell you they already have everything figured out and they just want confirmation that their ideas are good.

   Don’t be the guy who asks for advice and then talks over the person trying to advise you.

4. Offer value in return. We’re not talking about a lunch date here — as we’ve said, most people will be glad to skip this pleasantry and opt for a phone call instead.

   When we say “offer value,” we mean bring something to the conversation that might benefit your advisor. This might be an opportunity, a new way of looking at things, or a development of a technique they themselves invented or contributed to.

5. Express gratitude. When they accept the meeting, as you’re leaving the meeting, and after the meeting — these are all times you should thank the person for taking time to meet with you. If they’re doing this pro bono, you should really appreciate the fact that they’re speaking with you at all.

Final Thoughts

Whatever side of the question you’re on, hopefully, this gives you a little insight into how to handle the request more effectively than you might have otherwise.

Despite all the negative hype around these brain-picking sessions, they can still be useful for those who approach them in the right way.

Networking is important, after all, and the person giving advice might find that they have something to gain from talking to someone less experienced — even if it’s just the smug feeling of satisfaction they get from knowing something someone else doesn’t.

Author

Ryan Morris

Ryan Morris was a writer for the Zippia Advice blog who tried to make the job process a little more entertaining for all those involved. He obtained his BA and Masters from Appalachian State University.