“Why Don’t People Like Me?” — 12 Reasons And How To Fix Them

Some people are just naturally likable — you’ve met them, the ones others seem to just gravitate towards.

And, some people aren’t.

Now, not everyone will like you all of the time. Some dislike even the most likable people.

However, some have negative personality traits that rub people the wrong way. The naturally likable people all have excellent interpersonal skills. They draw people in, make them feel welcome and wanted. Unlikable people aren’t as blessed.

Sure, you may be reading too much into it or overlooking simple things like jealousy. But, if you feel that more people dislike you than like you, then maybe it’s time to take a look inward.

It can be hurtful and frustrating when you feel like people simply don’t like you. It is awful and makes you feel isolated, especially when you’re making an effort to socialize and be friendly.

If you’re feeling unliked and isolated, it’s time to reflect on yourself and your actions. We don’t get to choose our families or coworkers, but we can choose how we interact with them.

If you want to have more positive relationships, you need to start taking responsibility for your actions and making changes. If you don’t, you will continue to isolate yourself.

Your behavior could potentially lead to unresolvable conflicts in the workplace. Being disliked can’t get you fired (not alone anyway), but it can prevent you from being hired and promoted.

12 Reasons People Don’t Like You ( How to Fix Them)

1. You talk too much. Are you a blabbermouth? Do you find yourself talking nonstop? A conversation involves two (or more) sides. You talk, and then you listen.

   If you talk on and on without giving the other person a chance to get a word in edgewise, it doesn’t endear you to people. In fact, it makes them want to avoid conversation with you entirely.

   How to fix the problem: Stop dominating the conversation. Start actively listening. You need to care about what people have to say and stop talking long enough to give them a chance to speak their mind too.

2. You gossip. Everyone gossips on some level. It’s natural to get caught up in the thrill of it. But, when you are constantly talking about people behind other people’s backs, it gets old fast.

   No one wants to befriend someone like that. Today you may be talking about another coworker, but they don’t trust that tomorrow it won’t be them under your microscope. And, they won’t trust you to keep anything to yourself.

   How to fix the problem: Simple: cut the gossip. Stop talking about other people negatively. Stop spreading unsubstantiated “truths.” Pay attention to the feelings of others, and remember there are consequences for your words.

   Many who gossip with a toxic tongue have feelings of superiority; they believe themselves better than those around them. If this is how you behave, then this is how people will view you. That’s not the type of person they want to interact with, let alone befriend.

3. You judge. You may have a higher position, a better education, more expensive clothes, nicer cars, etc. You may come from a different background. Maybe you’re smarter, better looking, whatever.

   It doesn’t matter. None of it makes you better than anyone else.

   And believing it does won’t win you any friends. This elitist and self-centered way of thinking only serves to isolate people and paint you in a negative light. Like those who run the gossip mill, those who judge tend to view themselves better than those around them. No one wants to be around someone like that.

   How to fix the problem: Even if you’re not necessarily vocal about it, it is sometimes clear to others when you look down your nose at them. And, if you do vocalize it, stop.

   Don’t put others down. Stop criticizing. Stop assuming you know anything about the other person. Let them make their own decisions and keep your opinions to yourself.

4. You blame everyone else. It’s never your fault. No matter what happened or what role you played in the outcome, the blame always lies with someone else.

   You never stop to reflect on your behavior or try to improve your performance, behavior, etc.

   You’re perfect as is, right? Wrong.

   There is always room for improvement. And, like it or not, the blame will sometimes fall on you.

   How to fix the problem: Start taking responsibility for your actions and the role you may have played in a failure. Accept that you may not be perfect and that you do make mistakes. And then learn from those mistakes.

5. You can’t let go of control. You can’t be the boss of everyone. Contrary to your beliefs, you aren’t the puppetmaster in complete control of everyone, every minute of every day.

   Not only is this behavior off-putting, but it is also often accompanied by bullying. Those who constantly wrestle for control are often demanding, forceful, and overly authoritative. You can have opinions, strong ones, without trying to force them on those around you.

   How to fix the problem: Let go of the control. You need to learn to trust others and guide them towards the outcome. Lording over them and barking orders isn’t effective or wanted.

   The need to control often stems from a sense of insecurity or loss of control in other aspects of your life. If you’re struggling to relinquish control, try to source the underlying reasons you need it so desperately.

6. You create drama. No one likes a drama queen. The kind of drama you bring belongs only on a stage or on-screen. Everyone has problems, and some are worse than others, but you can’t allow it to take over. It’s emotionally exhausting for you and anyone you’re unloading on.

   Your overly dramatic behavior can negatively impact others if you start to stir up drama on your own. You take small problems, blow them way out of proportion, create issues out of nothing, start fights, hold grudges, etc.

   You leave people feeling like they need to tiptoe around you or avoid you altogether. No one wants to be caught up in someone else’s real-life soap opera.

   How to fix the problem: Stop focusing all your energy on the negative. Start to change your perspective on things and recognize when you are creating unnecessary drama.

7. You have bad hygiene. This may seem like a judgment from others, a superficial issue, but it is not. Some people don’t take care of themselves, and it shows.

   Would you want to be around someone who smells or is constantly dirty or unkempt? Not likely.

   Not only is the result unpleasant, but a lack of hygiene implies a lack of caring in other aspects of life. You should be conscious of your appearance and your hygiene.

   How to fix the problem: Take care of yourself. Shower regularly, brush your teeth, use deodorant, wear clean, unwrinkled clothes. As an adult, you are in charge of your self-care. It reflects more on you than you believe. Poor hygiene can also prevent you from getting jobs or earning promotions.

8. You “know everything.” You do know everything. You’re always right, and you have absolutely no problem letting others know.

   Fun fact: there is a distinct difference between offering information and steamrolling over others with your “facts” and opinion.

   Nobody likes a know-it-all. They are dismissive, unwilling to listen, opinionated, pushy, and exude a feeling of superiority.

   How to fix the problem: Even if you know more than the average bear, you don’t need to let everyone else know. Not all the time anyway.

   Take a step back before inserting your knowledge or opinion on someone else. Is your correction necessary? Maybe not.

   If it is, then present it properly. Don’t steamroll over people to make sure they know you’re right. Instead, be respectful as you explain the correction.

9. You interrupt. We’ve all heard the knock-knock joke about the interrupting cow. It’s funny.

   Constantly interrupting people during a conversation (especially one you aren’t even part of) is not funny. It’s rude.

   It tells the other person that you don’t care enough to listen to what they’re saying. You only care about what you have to say.

   How to fix the problem: Your listening skills are an important part of communication. You need to actively listen to others when they speak and wait until it’s your turn to talk. Listen, focus on what they’re saying, ask questions. It makes them feel heard.

10. You bully. Nobody likes a bully, and no one wants to see themselves as a bully—even if that’s exactly what they are.

    Sometimes bullying is about control, and sometimes it’s about a person’s insecurities. Either way, it’s not an excuse.

    Being openly nasty to others, manipulating them, and trying to force them to fit the mold you believe they should is bullying.

    How to fix the problem: You can’t control everyone, and putting them down or intimidating them into compliance is never okay. It is even less accepted in the workplace.

    Unfortunately, many managers use this tactic as a means to control their underlings. That doesn’t mean it is a behavior you should emulate.

11. You complain—a lot. Everyone needs to vent now and again. The chronic complainers, the ones who whine about everyone and everything, are the problem.

    All of your friends, family, and coworkers have problems. They don’t need to listen to you discuss yours incessantly. They don’t need to carry your burden along with their own. Your need to unburden yourself to anyone you can get to listen is off-putting and drives people away.

    How to fix the problem: Instead of complaining about the situation, refocus the energy into resolving the problem. Focus on the positive instead of the negative. You can allow yourself to vent when necessary—it’s natural to let it out sometimes—but it should not be constant.

12. You preach. Similar to know-it-alls are those who feel that their opinions and beliefs are above all others. You express your thoughts forcefully and come off as condescending instead of insightful.

    Nobody wants to be forced to listen to someone berate them for not seeing things the same way. People tend to tune this out and actively avoid those who feel the need to preach constantly.

    How to fix the problem: Accept that you don’t know everything and that your experiences are unique to you. Get off your soapbox and realize that other people’s experience has led them to different conclusions.

Author

Samantha Goddiess

Samantha is a lifelong writer who has been writing professionally for the last six years. After graduating with honors from Greensboro College with a degree in English & Communications, she went on to find work as an in-house copywriter for several companies including Costume Supercenter, and Blueprint Education.